Mother’s Day Memories

I’m not going to lie, the last three days have been full of a lot of anxiety. We have been planning a trip to Kauai for the past year… the first time around fell through due to the shutdown. So here we are attempting to go again, but this time negative test results from a sample taken 72 hours prior to our final flight are required to enter Hawaii if we don’t want to quarantine for 10 days - which is longer than our entire trip. I feel a little silly sharing these emotions because it is an immense privilege to even be planning a trip! But this is me trying to be real with you. 

We used VAULT, a trusted partner in Hawaii, but due to living in a rural area, we weren’t sure we would receive our results before leaving Whitefish. There was a chance we would not hear a word until we landed in Seattle and were in the midst of a 6 hour layover. So, here I am for the first time in weeks feeling a little weight lifted as I just received my negative test result! Chase is still awaiting his, so we are not out of the woods yet, but at least we are 50% sure now. 

Ok now onto a little insight into my last big adventure! This past weekend, my mom came to town! It was so wonderful having a familiar face in town and having an adventure buddy for the weekend. If you know my mom, you know she is one of the most adventurous 50 something year olds you’ve ever met. She doesn’t ever turn down a challenge, and Lord knows once you start into a goal, you WILL finish it. 

I’ll get back to our adventure weekend soon, but I was just reminded of another pretty big feat that we tackled together back when I was in college. My dad and I, along with a good friend from college were going to ride the STP (a bike race from Seattle to Portland - just over 200 miles) to raise money for an organization supporting refugee resettlement. My dad had completed the ride several times before this, so he was the obvious one to ride with us - or so we all thought. Well, it turned out that about a week before the ride, my dad had some serious timely medical concerns come up that immediately disqualified him from riding. So, as you can probably guess, my mom stepped up to ride in his place - A WEEK BEFORE. So, with VERY little training, she met us at the start line in Seattle ready to race. We made it through day one, and although we all questioned our decision to ride over 100 miles each day, two days in a row, we ended the day tired, but full of adrenaline and with plenty of smiles. We were injury free and ready for a quick break and sleep before hitting the saddle again the next morning. 

Fast forward about 12 hours. We are on our bikes the next morning by 6am, riding through some of the most beautiful countryside I had seen in the state. Rolling green hills were kissed by the most beautiful golden morning light. Although our butts were screaming, we were in good spirits and filled to the brim with the views. After a long and grueling day, we had finally reached Portland! We thought we had made it, but the sick joke that no one tells you before riding is that the finish line is 20 miles past the “entering Portland” sign. Just before reaching the sign, we stopped at a medic station because mom’s knee had completely given out. It had gotten so bad, that she was pedaling with one leg, pulling with the clips and pushing through the top of her rotation. The medics couldn’t do anything besides wrap her leg. Although she was in excruciating pain, she wasn’t about to stop before reaching the finish line. We had already ridden just over 200 miles and had about 19 to go. So through a lot of pain and some tears, we stuck together as a team and crossed the finish line! My mom was resilient and full of grit as usual. She has a way of digging deep and finishing everything she starts. 

Ok well, all this to say, my mom is a badass lady crusher who never ceases to amaze me - so now back to our most recent adventure… 

Mom arrived in Whitefish on Thursday evening and, after landing, promptly drove into Glacier just to see the gorgeous peaks jutting out of the famous Lake McDonald from Apgar village. We tried to stop for food, but realized my favorite spot was gong to take an hour! Knowing the probability of hanger setting in, I knew that was out of the question for the evening. So instead, we went to a little market and bought cheese and crackers - not sure how we thought that would be better, but it did the trick. 

By the time Saturday rolled around, I had borrowed a helmet from a friend in town and a bike from Chase. We were ready for our big adventure. Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect. Part of me thought we were going to be riding straight uphill for 14 miles. Another part of me worried we wouldn’t see any views and that the park would be socked in. Both of those assumptions turned out to be far from the truth. 

The beauty began right as we turned onto Going to the Sun Road. The sun was just coming up over the lake and it felt like a cool, crisp summer morning - one of the greatest feelings on the planet. As we drove to the lodge, snow peaked mountains began to show their faces in the fresh morning light as the lake reflected grand peaks surrounding it’s pristine waters. Once we reached the lodge, it felt similar to the STP, but on a much smaller scale. The parking lot was filling quickly with groups of friends, families with little ones and TONS of bikes. As we got everything situated, we made sure our bear spray was accessible and started the day, as per usual, in far too many layers.

As we started the ride, we met a woman who had ridden the Sun Road many times, but mainly at night, for what she called the moonlight ride - a brave feat in my opinion. Throughout our journey we saw her many more times, and sadly I don’t remember her name, because she became known as “our photographer”. Mom and I rode through lush valleys, over the most brilliant rivers and into massive mountains. I don’t think either of us had been on such a magnificent ride before. Around each corner was a bigger peak or a more stunning body of water. Our ride was full of good conversation, heavy breathing at certain points and run-ins with some really lovely people. We were surprised to see no bears- nor any wildlife for that matter. The road was pretty busy with bikes and lots of laughter… so perhaps the bears stayed away for that reason. All in all, we rode just about 30 miles. Our legs were tired, but I think our butts felt it the most. I will say though, nothing compares to flying down a mountain pass on a bike with warm wind in your face surrounded by the most stunning landscape - it was breathtaking and completely exhilarating. We were both giddy by the end of the day - full of that good adrenaline you get when you push your body while in nature. We found ourselves and each other smiling from ear to ear most of the day.

If ever in your life you have the chance to ride the Sun Road, do it! And if your mom will do it with you, even better! I feel pretty lucky to have a momma that loves adventure as much as I do. She even went mountain biking for the first time this weekend all alone… and she LOVED it! Happy Mother’s Day to one of the greats! Thankful for you, mom and for all the crazy adventures we have done together! For those with mom’s in your life, give them a little extra love this weekend. They do so much and love so BIG.

To all those without moms in your life, I can’t pretend to know what that is like, but I want you to know my heart hurts with you this Mother’s Day. You are not alone. You are loved. You are important and cherished. I hope you are surrounded by those you love this weekend. 

All my love, 

Kenzie 

P.S. Chase got a negative test back a few hours after mine came in, so...we are going to HAWAII!! Stay tuned for stories and photos from our trip. Can’t wait to share with you all! 

A Snowy Solo Hike

Yesterday I did something that scared me… like really scared me. To some this may seem like nothing, but for me it was everything. If you know me at all,  you know how much I love to be with people. If I could, I would surround myself with people all the time. I’ve always attributed this to being extroverted, however recently have begun to discover this goes much deeper. 

I am realizing more and more every day that I like to be with people simply because I don’t like the alternative. Being alone means being with myself- with my thoughts, my fears, my insecurities and doubts. Yesterday I woke up and decided to challenge myself in a new way. Not only would I be with little ole me all day, but I would do it on a solo hike… in a new area… in the snow. All these things brought me great anxiety, but I pushed through- I had to. 

After texting Chase to let him know where to find my body if I died in the wilderness, I set out on my little trek. After a little bit of research, I knew this trip would only be feasible with snowshoes. So, before leaving town I stopped to rent a pair. Upon arriving at Glacier National Park, the ranger at the station assured me the hike I had chosen was “most likely” safe and that avalanche danger shouldn’t be an issue. As someone who has only spent a little time in the backcountry during the winter, this sentiment was only slightly reassuring. As I drove deeper into the park, I turned toward the trailhead and upon reaching the access road I noticed a gate with a “road closed” sign. Here is where the adventure began. 

There were no other cars in sight and according to my GPS, I still had two miles to go before reaching the trailhead. But rather than abandoning the mission, I parked my car in what looked to be a parking area and put on my microspikes. Luckily, I had a bungee cord in my trunk to strap my snowshoes to my pack. I loaded up my water, way too many layers and a couple snacks and hit the trail. At this point it was already almost noon and I knew I needed to get moving if I was going to make it to the top, with the added 4 miles to my 7.5 mile journey. 

The view from the access road on my way to the trailhead

I started the journey in silence, taking in the beautiful day - cool, crisp air, sunny skies and a trail all to myself. I crossed over a river and continued on up the road. After about 2 miles I came upon the trailhead. It was clearly marked with a sign about bears and cougars, the dangers that exist in the backcountry and the risk it is to make this journey alone. The sign mentioned the other visitors that came before who were injured and killed by wildlife. Although I know these signs exist in every national park with bears, now was not the time for me to see this sign and feel confident continuing on my journey alone. So, to ease some of my tension, I turned on some audible music, hoping to alert any wildlife of my presence if nothing else. For about the first mile, I looked behind me to check for signs of life every minute or two. Whether human or animal at this point, I didn’t care, I was very much in my head and very much concerned about what might be waiting to take my life. I know… very dramatic. 

If you know me at all, you know, along with the whole hating to be alone thing - you know that I tend to catastrophize. When nothing is going wrong at all, I somehow imagine the worst case scenario and have to solve it, coming up with an escape plan… before there is even reason to believe something that absurd would happen. 

So after about 2 hours of hiking - I was about 4 miles into my 11 mile snowy trek-  I came upon what, in my head, were the largest bear prints I had seen in my life. And upon further consideration- perhaps the only prints I had ever seen. I inspected them closely, and decided it wasn’t worth it. I didn’t want to follow a bear up the trail just to get eaten, or worse, attacked and left to limp my way back to civilization. No one would find me either because I was on a completely deserted trail in Glacier. Well, let me tell you, in the moment, those thoughts were very real and very convincing, so I turned around. As I started down the trail, completely panicking, I started to see these same large “bear prints” but this time they had traction marks in the same spot on each one.

“Alright Kenz”, I told myself, “you are not going to let snowshoe prints keep you from reaching the top”. So I turned myself right around, put on my snowshoes shortly after as I began post-holing left and right and continued up the trail. I still hadn’t seen or heard any other human life at this point, so I convinced myself caution was more important than reaching the top.

As I began up the final mile of switchbacks, the snow started to get pretty slushy, the snowfield I was hiking across was quite steep and appeared to have one single track of footprints finding their way through the deep snow. Half of the tracks I followed were holes that appeared to be at least 2 feet deep in most cases. At this point, my intense fear of bears and other wild animals turned to a fear of setting off an avalanche or falling to my death on the slippery slope. 

A cornice I spotted from the final switchback - be careful out there!

Even at this point, I didn’t want to give up. I was so proud of myself for overcoming fear and obstacles, uncertainty and the unknown. How could I give up now? So, I didn’t. I kept going. I turned the corner to the last switchback. At this point, I was walking with my ankles rolled to the side to get enough traction on the hill. There were moments where I crawled on my hands and knees over partially unburied trees peaking out several feet under the snow. 

After making my way through several more sketchy sections, I reached a stunning outlook of the entire valley. The mountains were out in all their glory and the valley was expansive below. The river running through the mountains was the most brilliant, bright color of blue. All my anxious thoughts and fears were worth it! But, I still hadn’t made it to the lookout. I was at 5.44 miles on my watch when I started around the next corner. As I began hiking, the snow started sliding out from under me. A gully lied ahead of me, with heavy snow above and below. As I began across and the snow started sliding, I could see snowballs catching speed, taking a lot more snow with them as they fell. It was at this moment, I decided it wasn’t worth it. I didn’t know who was below, and I didn’t know what was ahead. So this is where I turned around - just 0.3 miles from the finish line. 

The view into Glacier from my turnaround point

In some ways this felt like a huge letdown. I was bummed I hiked all this way just to turn around. However, at the same time, I felt more accomplished and more proud of myself than I have in a long time. I overcame my fear of being alone, on a new trail in a new park in a new state….during the WINTER. All things that even a year ago most likely would have held me back. This experience put my humanness into perspective. My life is so fragile. As humans we have very little power when in nature - so many things could go wrong - snow can sluff and cause massive avalanche danger. Animals are usually gentle, however if spooked, they are powerful and could take you down in a second. I even reflected on my own physical body during my hike - my heart beat, my joint function, my muscles holding everything together. If one thing failed, the journey would have left me with a much different experience. 

As I hiked the 5.44 mile journey back out to my car, I encountered 4 groups of people. Some young and unafraid, charging up the trail at 3pm; one by himself and some just taking a stroll on the access road - each with their own stories and personalities they happily shared with me. By the end of the journey, all I wanted was to talk, so I stopped at every group I passed to connect even if just for a moment. I met a lovely couple from Denver that was willing to share the last half mile of the trek with me. As we shared about our experiences, where we were from and why we had landed in Whitefish, I felt that much more grateful for human connection, camaraderie, and shared experience. I returned to my car feeling grateful for health, for new spaces to explore, beautiful mountains, vibrant waters and blue skies. I felt grateful for time to be with myself. Time to truly slow down and feel all the things I feel so often, yet stifle with the constant noise of a busy life. I felt a rush of emotion, I believed in myself and had confidence in the woman I am becoming. Sometimes it takes an experience like this to wake up to the beauty all around us and within us. You are stronger than you know and capable of whatever you put your mind to! If solo hiking scares you as much as it scares me, do yourself a favor and DO IT!! And then let me know how it goes :) I know you won’t regret it! 

Cheers to Becoming,  

XOXO Kenzie

Moving to Montana

Well, I’m not going to lie, sitting down to write my first blog post feels like a pretty big moment. I’m the type of person who loves to journal and process my feelings on paper. I’m also the person that, some would say, may overshare at times. I do this because I believe the more we share, the more potential there is for meaningful connection. More often than not, people are grateful for transparency and appreciate seeing someone’s genuine self- all the real and raw emotions included. I hope that this blog as a whole can be a place where you come when you need a little boost, a little inspiration, some camaraderie and understanding. I hope that by sharing some of my experiences, you may find yourself between the lines- in the words and the sentiments shared here. I will tell you now, vulnerability is scary, and I definitely feel that - all the time. The fear of the world knowing my true self is terrifying, but also liberating. This dream has been burning for too long not to jump in, to finally say yes and to share it with whoever may decide to come along on the journey. 

As some of you know, the last year of my life has been a roller coaster of massive change. To be honest, I think that’s what the last year has held for almost every human being that lived through it, just about anywhere in the world. In my case, working in adaptive recreation led me into teaching ESL online to Costa Rican students, which led me to multiple nanny jobs just to get by while working as a behavior tech in ABA therapy. The hustle and bustle of city life slowed a little during this time, yet the push to achieve, to make big money and to constantly be planning, moving or doing eventually ran me to the ground. I felt tired, frustrated and trapped in many ways. I felt stuck in a mindset of scarcity, never able to make enough - even when I had everything I needed. I felt trapped in the rat race of a constantly booked schedule, having to plan weeks in advance just to see my close friends.  I finally had enough of the never ending hamster wheel, so I decided to pack up my things and move to Whitefish, Montana - to slow down for a season and spend some time thinking, dreaming and well...playing in the snow. I brought my skis, my camera, some warm coats… and that’s about it. I found a job working as a nanny for a family spending their final winter in the US in Whitefish before moving back to Melbourne, Australia. They quickly became a big part of my world and felt at times like family of my own.

Celebrating Willow’s first birthday with the Hudson family!

The kids and I adventured almost daily to visit the neighbor’s horses. Finn and Piper learned the names of each of the horses so they could call them to the fence by name to feed them little treats each day. We pretended to travel all over the world -most often to Australia - during our days together. We pretended to ski in the house, took the stuffed animals to the doctor for broken limbs and such, made play dough, did science experiments, tried our best to engage in zoom kindergarten and sometimes went a little stir crazy. We visited the parks to meet new little friends and even skied a few days together as well. I had the privilege of watching Finn, at age 5, participate in several GS ski races! What a champ.

Piper and Boomer (I think)…

Finn and Earthquake - the biggest mule in the valley

I worked three days a week and skied the others. I met some of the most incredibly selfless and caring individuals while volunteering for DREAM adaptive. I was pushed to become a better skier through weekly training with certified ski instructors which led me to my own certification. I have started to build community here and am already beginning to feel known and loved in this community. I feel hopeful for what is to come and am excited to launch my photography business and blog while in Whitefish! 

Lake McDonald, Glacier National Park

Although today is a day of hope and excitement, I must say there have been many days filled with other, much more negative emotions. I will share more about those soon, so stay tuned, if that’s what you’re here for. But for now, I wanted to share an update, or an intro for those who don’t know me. I think it’s important to press into the good feelings as much and as often as we allow ourselves to sit in our discomfort. It’s crucial that we soak in the sun when it shines and allow ourselves to pass on the positive feelings and good vibes as often as we are able.

My dream with this blog is not to simply share my adventures and highs with you. My hope is that through this platform, we could build relationships, find common ground and recognize that we are not alone in this journey of life. People always tell me I have an amazing and exciting life - and I do! But, I also experience A LOT of big emotions, have hard days and find myself wondering what’s next ALL. THE. TIME. I don’t have a “career”, nor do I have a plan for my future career. Despite what it may look like, I don’t have things all together, but I’m starting to learn that it’s ok. I am setting goals and striving to care for myself, as well as for those around me, and am looking toward the future with excitement and anticipation rather than fear.

On a completely unrelated, yet crucial note, this month we have the privilege of celebrating Women’s History Month. I feel like it’s fitting to send a little shoutout to my ladies for always asking intentional questions, holding space to feel big emotion and for always inspiring me to be my best! I am so proud of your creative innovation and feel inspired by the passion you pour into your work and lives. Thank you for inspiring, dreaming, and loving so well. I am extremely thankful to be surrounded by so many incredible women, even in this season away from my home in the Northwest!

Cheers to the adventure!

XOXO Kenzie